Today is Friday, so this post is on interpersonal competence.
The ability to resolve conflict in a positive manner is one of the keys to interpersonal competence and career and life success. The other day, I came across a book called The Top Performer’s Guide to Conflict by Tim Ursiny and Dave Bolz. I like this book. I think it has some important things to say about how to deal with conflict in a constructive manner.
I like the way The Top Performer’s Guide to Conflict is organized. Each chapter includes real life conflict stories taken from the authors’ experience, as well as a Coaching and Application section – exercises to help the reader apply the lessons of the chapter.
Chapter One lists four key things that successful people know about conflict.
- Conflict is inevitable.
- Avoiding conflict leads to decreased productivity.
- Negative conflict is costly.
- Positive conflict leads to top performance and success.
Chapter Eight lays out the authors’ “GROWS” model of conflict resolution.
- Gather – Use questions to determine the source of the conflict and to develop a complete understanding of the other person’s perspective and points.
- Reflect – Reflect on the other person’s perspective and points. Clarify your understanding of them. Verbalize your desire to resolve the conflict.
- Own – Take responsibility for you contribution to the conflict situation.
- Want – Tell the other person what you want and need in this situation.
- Strategies – Jointly brainstorm win/win solutions. Ask questions like: How can we both get what we want here? What new approaches can we try that help satisfy both of our needs? How can we think about this situation differently to create the best result for both of us?
I like the GROWS model, because it focuses on one of the most important things I have learned about resolving conflict – focus on places where you are in agreement with the other person in order to build a creative solution to your differences.
The common sense point here is simple. As Mssrs. Ursiny and Bolz point out, conflict is inevitable. The negativity that surrounds is not. Learn to deal with conflict constructively, and you’ll be on your way to success in your life and career.
That’s it for today. Thanks for reading. Log on to my website www.BudBilanich.com for more common sense. Check out my other blog: www.CommonSenseGuy.com for common sense advice on leading people and running a small business.
I’ll see you around the web, and at Alex’s Lemonade Stand.
Bud
PS: Speaking of Alex’s Lemonade Stand – my fundraising page is still open. Please go to www.FirstGiving.com.TheCommonSenseGuy to read Alex’s inspiring story and to donate if you can.
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