Today is Thursday, so this post is on communication skills.
Conversation skills, along with writing and presentation skills, are one of the important elements in being a good communicator. The other day, Cathy my wife, and I were talking about how most of the people we meet these days are pretty good conversationalists as long as we are asking them questions about themselves and their families -- and how poor they are at asking about us.
Conversation is a two way street. Yes, it’s great to talk about yourself and your family and all of the wonderful things you’re doing and have done. On the other hand, there are always two people in a conversation, and it’s important to let the other person speak too.
On February 28, Craig Wilson, one of my favorite columnists and author of The Final Word column in USA Today, wrote about this very phenomenon. His column that day was entitled One Question: Why Aren’t You Asking Me Any? Here’s a little of what Mr. Wilson had to say in that column.
- “A reader in Oklahoma City piqued my interest last week when he wrote about a ‘serious problem’ spreading across the land. He thought that if it were highlighted here, it might be stopped. I doubt it, but let’s give it a try. The problem? He dubbed it ‘me-ism’. What he and his wife have found is that they can spend great amounts of time with recent acquaintances, and those people never ask a personal question of them. Not one…Why, he asked? Good question. And I thought it was just me…I’m always perplexed that more often than not, no one seems to ask anything about me. As much as I hate the ‘and what do you do?’ lead in, I’d be grateful for even that on occasion.”
This is exactly what Cathy and I have found. As long as we carry the conversation and ask people about themselves, things are great. When we stop asking questions, the conversation seems to stop too. Personally, I found this perplexing. I find people endlessly fascinating. I like to find out about them – what they do, how they think, where they’ve been. I’m always a little surprised when people show so little interest in me. I think I’m a pretty interesting guy. I’m not narrow. I can talk about books, movies, Broadway shows, politics, sports, whatever. Cathy can too.
Mr. Wilson has done something about one sided conversations.
- “I have turned the one sided chat into a game. Now when I meet a stranger at a party, I ask a thousand questions, then wait in silence to see if any questions bounce back. Sometimes I’ve stood there for five minutes, which, believe me, is a long time for me to be silent. Usually these people just smile and look a bit perplexed, perhaps wondering why I’m no longer interested in their fascinating lives.”
I think this is a fine party game, but it won’t help you become a success in your life and career.
The common sense point here – engage people in conversation. Answer questions about yourself, but don’t forget to ask questions about them. Find something you have in common, and use that as the basis for moving the conversation along. People with good conversation skills get noticed – and they become career and life stars.
One last piece of advice from Mr. Wilson:
- “For years, I’ve had a button on the bulletin board over my desk. It’s bight yellow and has a simple message: ‘Ask a Bunch of Questions’. I don’t know where it came from…I think we should make a million copies and hand them out at parties. Maybe they’d bring about dialogue…”
Pretty good common sense advice – when you’re in conversation, the best way to keep it going is to ask a lot of questions.
That’s it for today. Thanks for reading. Log on to my website www.BudBilanich.com for more common sense. Check out my other blog: www.CommonSenseGuy.com for common sense advice on leading people and running a small business.
I’ll see you around the web, and at Alex’s Lemonade Stand.
Bud
PS: Speaking of Alex’s Lemonade Stand – my fundraising page is still open. Please go to www.FirstGiving.com.TheCommonSenseGuy to read Alex’s inspiring story and to donate if you can.
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