Today is Monday, so this post is on self confidence.
As mentioned in a previous post, I found the Buddhist site, http://buddhism.kalachakranet.org/self-confidence.html a few weeks ago. Since then, I have returned to it quite often to read about self confidence from an Eastern perspective. Here are some thoughts on self confidence that I found on the site. I have edited the content to focus only on self confidence, not the underlying spirituality of Buddhism.
"Self-confidence is not a feeling of superiority, but of independence." Lama Yeshe
In the Buddhist tradition, lack of self-confidence can be made up of several different aspects like guilt and anger turned inward, unrealistic expectations of perfection, false sense of humility, fear of change or making mistakes and depression. Depression can actually result from a lack of self-confidence.
It is important to have a healthy amount of self-confidence, self-esteem and self-respect. One is required to take confidence and courage in one’s own skills, and to work diligently for oneself and others. On the other hand, overconfidence and pride are at the other side of the scale and to be avoided.
The Dalai Lama says, “human potential is the same for all. Your feeling, ‘I am of no value’, is wrong. Absolutely wrong. You are deceiving yourself. We all have the power of thought, so what are you lacking? If you have willpower, then you can change anything. It is usually said that you are your own master. With the realization of ones own potential and self-confidence in ones ability, one can build a better world. According to my own experience, self-confidence is very important. That sort of confidence is not a blind one; it is an awareness of ones own potential. On that basis, human beings can transform themselves by increasing the good qualities and reducing the negative qualities.”
Ringu Tulku Rinpoche characterizes low self esteem as a form of laziness. “The Buddhist notion of diligence is to delight in positive deeds. Its opposite, called le lo, is usually translated as ‘laziness’. The first aspect is not doing something because of indolence, even though we know that it is good and ought to be done. The second aspect is faintheartedness. This comes about when we underestimate our qualities and abilities, thinking, ‘I'm so incompetent and weak. It would be good to do that, but I could never accomplish it.’ Not having the confidence of thinking, ‘I can do it,’ we end up doing nothing. The third aspect refers to being very busy and seeming diligent, but wasting time and energy on meaningless activities that will not accomplish anything in the long run. When we do many things for no real purpose, we fail to focus on what is truly worthwhile and our path has no clear direction. When we refrain from these three aspects of laziness, we are diligent."
So from this point of view, a lack of self-confidence can be like an excuse for 'not-doing' when something needs to be done, and is therefore clearly a problematic emotion.
Or, as Mahatma Gandhi said: "Fearlessness is the first requisite of spirituality. Cowards can never be moral.”
It can be difficult to accept others and to accept ourselves. "I should be better. I should be something different. I should have more." All of this is conception; it's all mental fabrication. It's just the mind churning up "shoulds," "ought tos," and "supposed tos."
All this is conceptual rubbish, and yet we believe it. Part of the solution is to recognize that these thoughts are conceptual rubbish and not reality; this gives us the mental space not to believe them. When we stop believing them, it becomes much easier to accept what we are at any given moment, knowing we will change in the next moment. We'll be able to accept what others are in one moment, knowing that they will be different in the next moment.
What’s interesting here – for me at least – is that these thoughts, while sounding very Western, and based on the science of psychology – are in fact Eastern and based on a spiritual tradition. In other words, the importance of self confidence is universally recognized. That’s why self confidence is the first point on my career star model. Without self confidence, we can accomplish very little.
That’s it for today. Thanks for reading. Log on to my website www.BudBilanich.com for more common sense. Check out my other blog: www.CommonSenseGuy.com for common sense advice on leading people and running a small business.
I’ll see you around the web, and at Alex’s Lemonade Stand.
Bud
PS: Speaking of Alex’s Lemonade Stand – my fundraising page is still open. Please go to www.FirstGiving.com/TheCommonSenseGuy to read Alex’s inspiring story and to donate if you can.
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