Today is Tuesday, so this post is on positive personal impact.
Lydia Ramsey is an expert in business etiquette and a friend of mine. I highly recommend her book Mannners That Sell.
Knowing and using proper business etiquette is an important part of creating a positive personal impact. Recently, I read an article that Lydia posted in August 2005. This article was on a subject many of us would rather not think about -- what to do when one of your friends, colleagues or customers loses a loved one.
Many people are at a loss for what to do in difficult times like these. Using her own experience, Lydia provides some great, common sense guidance for what to do when someone you know is grieving.
Read on to see what Lydia has to say about the etiquette of dealing with grief…
Lydia Ramsey on When Your Client, Colleague or Coworker Suffers a Loss
On a beautiful spring day last April, I was driving home to Savannah from Charlotte after welcoming my first grandchild into the world. Little Samuel Carroll Niles was whole and healthy, and life was good—almost. My husband had suffered a serious fall in October and was unable to accompany me. He seemed to be recovering well, but I was still concerned about him.
I was nearly home when my cell phone rang. The call was from a friend who had stopped by to visit Hank and became alarmed when there was no response. I drove into my driveway with the lights of the EMS truck flashing in my rear view mirror. On May 11th I lost my warm, wonderful, gentle husband. Within a three-week period I became a grandmother and a widow.
As I have attempted to get back to life “as normal” for the past four months, I have found that grief has its own timetable. Today I am finally able to sit at my computer and write again to you and the other subscribers of this newsletter. It is often difficult to know what to say or do when a death occurs. I want to share with you what I have learned firsthand that may help when someone you know loses a loved one.
It is important to do something. Many of us are so uncomfortable with death that we don’t do anything at all—afraid of doing or saying the wrong thing.
Attend the funeral or the memorial service if you can. Your presence offers immeasurable support. Even if you can’t speak directly to the family members, you can sign the book that they will look at over and over again, and they will know you cared enough to be there.
Write a note as soon as you can. Personal notes of condolence offer more comfort than you can imagine. I was moved by the variety of ways people expressed their sympathy. There were those who simply spoke of their sincere sorrow at my loss. There were those who described what Hank had meant to them personally. Others wrote about the character and personality of the special person I had lost. I was grateful for each and every one.
Commercial sympathy cards are equally cherished. It was clear to me that the commercial cards I received had been carefully chosen. Each one came with an additional sentence or two written by the sender. Be sure you take the time to add a short personal note.
Send flowers unless the family specifies otherwise. Send them to the family home, the funeral home, the church or the gravesite. Flowers add warmth and are visual reminders of the support of friends. Some friends sent flowers and personal gifts weeks later to confirm that neither my pain nor I had been forgotten.
Take food and other items for daily living to the house. The last thing the grieving family can think about is grocery shopping and meal preparation. A thoughtful neighbor called and said, “I am going to the grocery store. What do you need?’ My response was a confused, “I have no idea.” This kind, generous person filled her car with everything from fresh fruit and vegetables to paper towels and toilet tissue. She even included items for the four-legged members of the family.
Make a contribution to the charities indicated by the family. Honor the wishes of the deceased by giving to the causes they valued unless the obituary states that contributions should be made to the donor’s favorite charity. If you missed the death notice and don’t have that information, call the funeral home. They will have a record.
It is not necessary to do or say something grand or eloquent. Any gesture you make is comforting. A simple word, a hug, a phone call, a card or an offer to run an errand are just a few ways to express your sympathy.
Keep in mind that great authors, poets and thinkers have written for centuries about grief and loss, searching for just the right words to console themselves or someone else. When all is said and done, there are no words. Sometimes the best you can offer is a heartfelt “I’m sorry.”
I hope that what I have learned during this painful period will help you to reach out with confidence and ease the next time someone close to you suffers a loss.
This is some great common sense advice from Lydia Ramsey on how to help someone else deal with his or her grief. But, like most common sense, it is not helpful unless you use it.
That’s it for today. Thanks for reading. Log on to my other blogs: www.CommonSenseGuy.com for common sense advice on leading people and running a business, and www.CommonSenseDay.com to learn more about Use Your Common Sense Day -- November 4, and to read stories of common sense in action; and my website www.BudBilanich.com for more common sense.
I’ll see you around the web, and at Alex’s Lemonade Stand.
Bud
PS: Speaking of Alex’s Lemonade Stand – my fundraising page is still open. Please go to www.FirstGiving.com/TheCommonSenseGuy to read Alex’s inspiring story and to donate if you can.
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