Today is Friday, so this post is on Interpersonal Competence.
Daniel Goleman, author of Emotional Intelligence has a new book out called Social Intelligence. It is based on a field of study called neuroscience that shows that our brains are wired for sociability and connectedness – both very important to interpersonal competence.
Dr. Goleman says that empathy is a key component of both emotional intelligence and social intelligence.
- “Emotional intelligence includes self awareness – knowing what we’re feeling and why we’re feeling it. It’s self management. It also involves empathy – being tuned into other people. Social intelligence includes empathy and social skills.”
He goes on to say:
- “The more socially intelligent you are, the happier and more robust and more enjoyable your relationships will be. At work, social intelligence defines people with leadership skills and those who make the best team members. IQ and academic skills predict what class of job you can get and hold. But once you’re in the job, those capacities disappear as predictors for whether you will be a star performer or leader.”
Dr Goleman also has some interesting things to say about the emerging field of neuroscience.
- “Emotions are contagious. We’ve all known it experientially. When you have a fun coffee with a friend, you feel good. When you have a rude clerk in a store, you walk away feeling bad. Mirror neurons link brain-to-brain. This has caught the attention of people who do research on the workplace. They have done studies that show if you put a person in a meeting who either purposely upbeat or downbeat, it changes the whole group’s collective mood for better or worse.”
This is a key observation when it comes to becoming a career star. The common sense message: be purposely upbeat, and you’ll have a positive influence on those around you.
Dr. Goleman says that “the quality of our relationships is under assault in modern life…We need to put down the Blackberry, turn off the cellphone, put aside what we’re doing for the moment and pay attention to what’s going on with the person with whom we’re interacting.”
Right on, Doc! Business and life are still about hands on, face to face human relationships. Interpersonally competent people know this, and they work hard at making true human connections with the people in their lives.
One last quote from Dr. Goleman.
- “We need to be fully present. We’re multitasking, and not paying full attention to the person next to us. We need to remind ourselves more often to pay attention to the human moment.”
Interpersonally competent people live in the “human moment”. They attend to the emotional needs of the people with whom they are interacting. Try these ideas to be more in the moment:
- Shut off your cell phone and Blackberry before entering a meeting.
- Engage fully with people. Look them in the eye, pay attention to what they say.
- Listen to understand the feelings behind the words someone says.
- Show you understand both their words and emotions by repeating back what you heard.
If you adopt these simple, common sense tips, you’ll be a more interpersonally competent person – and well on your way to becoming a star.
That’s it for today. Thanks for reading. Log on to my other blogs: www.CommonSenseGuy.com for common sense advice on leading people and running a business, and www.CommonSenseDay.com to learn more about Use Your Common Sense Day -- November 4, and to read stories of common sense in action; and my website www.BudBilanich.com for more common sense.
I’ll see you around the web, and at Alex’s Lemonade Stand.
Bud
PS: Speaking of Alex’s Lemonade Stand – my fundraising page is still open. Please go to www.FirstGiving.com/TheCommonSenseGuy to read Alex’s inspiring story and to donate if you can.
