Today is Friday, so this post is about Interpersonal Competence.
Listening is key to becoming an interpersonally competent person. Read on for some of my thoughts on listening…
I sometimes find information in unexpected places. I read a lot. Tony Hillerman and Andrew Vachss are two of my favorite novelists. Mr. Hillerman writes mysteries set on the Navajo reservation in the American southwest. Mr. Vachss writes tough guy mysteries, many of them set in
I was reading a Hillerman book called Coyote Waits, and came across this passage.
- Jacobs was silent for a while, thinking about it, her face full of sympathy. She was a talented listener. He had noticed it before. She had all her antennae out, focused on the speaker. The world was shut out. Nothing mattered but the words she was hearing. Listening was ingrained in Navajo culture. One didn’t interrupt. One waited until the speaker was finished, gave him a moment or two to consider additions, footnotes or amendments, before he responded. But even Navajos listened impatiently. Not really listening, but framing their reply. Jean Jacobs really listened. It was flattery, and Chee knew it, but it had its effect.
I have great respect for my books and usually don’t dog ear them to mark a page. But, I dog eared this page. I knew I would use it when I was writing something about listening.
What’s the message? Don’t interrupt, let the other person finish, don’t start deciding what you’re going to say until after you’ve listened to, and thought about what the other person has said. Pretty good stuff to find in a middle of a mystery.
Burke is a character created by Andrew Vachss. He is a tough guy, but listening is one of his strong suits.
- It’s not hard to get some people to talk; it’s listening that takes real skill. You can’t just shift to recorder mode until you confirm the channel is open and the signal is strong. Sometimes, they just need to tell you something important to them before they tell you anything important to you. It’s like uncorking a bottle of wine and letting it breathe before you have a taste.
Burke’s message is pretty clear too. Focus on the other person, let him or her take the lead. If you’re patient, you’ll get the information you want and/or need.
You might find it odd that I’m dispensing listening advice based on what I’ve read in mystery novels. However, one of Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits is Seek first to understand, then to be understood. Hillerman and Vachss are saying the same thing – in a more poetic style.
To summarize: listening is key to becoming interpersonally competent. Focusing on the other person, really paying attention to what he or she is saying is key to listening.
That’s it for today. Thanks for reading. Log on to my other blog www.CommonSenseGuy.com for common sense advice on leading people and running a business, and my website www.BudBilanich.com for more common sense.
I’ll see you around the web, and at Alex’s Lemonade Stand.
Bud
PS: Speaking of Alex’s Lemonade Stand – my fundraising page is still open. Please go to www.FirstGiving.com/TheCommonSenseGuy to read Alex’s inspiring story and to donate if you can.
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