Common Sense Ideas for Becoming the Career Star You Are Meant to Be

Today is Monday, so this post is on self confidence.

As you know, optimism is one of the three keys to self confidence.  Facing your fears and surrounding yourself with positive people at the other two.  I’m a pretty optimistic guy, but as I was sitting down to write this post yesterday, I was having a tough time being optimistic.

My mother had a heart attack last Monday.  She has been in critical condition in intensive care ever since; not the best Mother’s Day either she or I have had.

Business is slow.  It seems as if all of my corporate clients are in a belt tightening mode.  This recession is hitting me harder than previous ones.

I have the Optimist Creed right above my desk.  I looked up at it and the first point jumped out at me.  “Promise yourself to be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.”  My peace of mind was rather disturbed yesterday.
I was thinking, “That’s a week I’m glad is over.”  But then I remembered two e mails I received on Monday, May 5.  The first was from Kiyoshi Nagata, an executive coach in Japan.  The second was from Jeannie Hwang, a literary agent in Korea. 

Here is what they had to say…

“Dear Dr. Bilanich:
“This is going to be my first contact with you, since I've started reading your super-good blogs and weekly ezines. Hope it merit your attention.
“I'm a Japanese "exec. coach" and an educator, graduated from UIUC.  But as you may know, very few of us Japanese coaches are internationally minded, not to mention biculturally trained professionally. We seldom take a serious interest in reading and applying what's ticking in English regarding the state of the art thinking on coaching, as you're providing so freely and so timely！
 “I therefore adore you as a holistically minded American coach, so unselfishly dedicated to spreading your good cause of the "Common Sense Guy" concept of coaching！I love your approach above all.
 “I simply hope you'll keep up doing more and more of it, and look forward to reading all future posts of yours on your book(s) and your 5-part success attributes.  Plus, of course, your attractively edited weekly ezines.
 “One small request, if I may, for today.  Can you arrange for your "teleseminars" past and future to be put on a sort of audio archives so I can later on hook them up from Japan and listen as I like? Also--any future plan of doing YouTube pieces on your weekly posts and/or daily blogs? 
 “The point of my request is, Dr. Bilanich, I'd love to absorb all of you--your readings！your writing/thinking styles！your audios！your videos！etc., etc. ipso facto.  May I take you for a role model for my kind of executive coaching in Japan?
 “Thanks again so much.  And all the best to your future efforts,
 “Respectfully,
“(Mr.) Kiyoshi Nagata, Japan Member Coach, ICF
“A Great Admirer of Dr. Bud Bilanich”

“Dear Bud Bilanich,
 “It is nice to meet you via e-mail.  I'm Jeannie Hwang at EYA (Eric Yang Agency, Inc) which is one of the leading literary agencies in Korea.

“We have exclusively worked with HarperCollins, Little Brown and Company, Doubleday Broadway, Harcourt Brace, The Crown Publishing Group, W. W. Norton, Berrett-Koehler, Pocket Books, Bloomsbury, Harcourt, Walker & Company and etc.  I hope to have a chance to work with you.
“RE: STRAIGHT TALK FOR SUCCESS by BUD BILANICH
“As for the title above, I have a Korean publisher who is interested. Please kindly confirm if the rights of the title is available with you and send me a review copy of the title (or e-file manuscript). We want to follow up the Korean publisher's result as soon as getting a copy from you.

“Thank you very much and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
 “Best regards,
“Jeannie Hwang”

Sure, things are slow right now.  The US economy is a mess.  And, my Mom is in the hospital.  But, I continue to work.  “Straight Talk for Success” is an Amazon.com bestseller.  And I received two completely unexpected e mails from people who like and admire my work. 

These e mails really helped me take to heart the advice in the Optimist Creed to, “Be so strong that nothing can disturb my peace of mind.”  Instead of feeling sorry for myself, I spent a good part of Sunday working on several projects that I believe will keep me moving forward. 

In short, I’m optimistic.  I’m optimistic because of the kind words of a few strangers.  I can’t control the economy, nor my mother’s health.  I can control my reactions to both.  I choose to find new ways to grow my business so I am not as dependent on my current customers.  I choose to keep my Mother in my thoughts and prayers, and be as supportive as possible of my Dad. Today, I’m traveling to North Carolina to do a workshop at a Productivity Inc. conference. 

The common sense point here is simple.  It’s easy to be optimistic when things are going well.  It’s more difficult when you encounter bumps in the road.  Last week was not so good – it had several bumps.  However, I was able to find some brightness in the darkness.  I’m choosing to focus on the good things that happened last week – not the tough stuff.  I’m not ignoring problems, but I’m not letting them get the best of me.  I have promised myself to be “so strong that nothing can disturb my peace of mind.”  My peace of mind allows me to go on and do what I need to do to continue my success.

That’s it for today.  Thanks for reading.  Log on to my website www.BudBilanich.com for more common sense and to subscribe to my weekly newsletter “Common Sense.” 

I’ll see you around the web and at Alex’s Lemonade Stand.

Bud   

PS: Speaking of Alex’s Lemonade Stand, my fundraising page is still open.  Please go to www.FirstGiving.com/TheCommonSenseGuy to read Alex’s inspiring story and to donate if you can.

Today is Friday, so this post is on interpersonal competence.

There’s an old saying, “It’s not whether you win or lose, it’s how you play the game.”  In today’s highly competitive culture, this may seem as an outdated concept.  I don’t think it is.  While I prefer to win, I would rather play honorably and lose, then dishonorably and win.

We all got a wonderful example of this recently.  Western Oregon University was playing Central Washington University in an end of the year NCAA women’s softball conference tournament.  The winner of the tournament would advance to the NCAA national championship tournament.

Sara Tucholsky, a Western Oregon Senior hit a home run that put her team ahead by three runs. This was her first home run in either high school or college.  However, as Ms. Tucholsky rounded first based, she tripped on the bag and collapsed with a knee injury, later determined to be a torn ligament.

She could not get up and continue around the bases.  If her teammates assisted her in any way, she would be ruled out.  If a pinch runner were brought it, she would be credited with a single, not a home run.

Mallory Holtman, the Central Washington first baseman, asked an umpire if she could help Ms. Tucholsky around the bases.  The umpires conferred and came to conclusion that there was no rule against this suggestion.  So Ms. Holtman and Central Washington shortstop Liz Wallace, put their arms under Ms. Tucholsky’s shoulders and carried her around the bases, making sure that she could touch each base with her uninjured leg.  The picture in the Denver Post was priceless – two young women in white uniforms carrying another young woman in a red uniform.

Ms. Tucholsky said, “Mallory asked me which leg was the one that hurt.  I told her it was my right leg, and she said ‘OK. We’re going to drop you down gently, and you need to touch it with your left leg.’  I said ‘OK.  Thank you very much.”

Ms Tucholsky’s homer was good for three runs.  Western Oregon won the game 4 – 2.  If her opponents had not carried her around the bases, they might have won the game and remained alive in the tournament – and appeared in their first ever NCAA tournament.  Instead, Western Oregon advanced to the tournament which began this week.

I always remind people that interpersonally competent people build strong relationships by giving with no expectation of return.  Ms. Holtman and Wallace certainly embodied this principle.  They did what they thought was the right thing to do. 

The ball that Ms. Tucholsky hit cleared the fence.  It was a home run.  However, a freak injury prevented her from being able to run the bases on her own.  So Ms. Holtman and Wallace did the honorable thing.  They helped a competitor get what was rightly coming to her – even if it meant losing the game.  To go back to how I began this post, Ms. Holtman and Wallace would rather play honorably and lose, then dishonorably and win.  Good for them.

The common sense point here is simple.  Mallory Holtman, Liz Wallace and the Central Washington Women’s Softball Team are a model of interpersonal competence and sportsmanship.  Faced with an opportunity to win in a questionable – not illegal, or even unethical way – they chose to lose with dignity.  They did the right thing – even though it was at a sacrifice to themselves.  Interpersonally competent people choose to the right thing.  My hat’s off to these young women.  You can read an excellent article on this game and incident at http://sports.espn.go.com/ncaa/columns/story?id=3372631.

That’s it for today.  Thanks for reading.  Log on to my website www.BudBilanich.com for more common sense and to subscribe to my weekly newsletter “Common Sense.” 

I’ll see you around the web and at Alex’s Lemonade Stand.

Bud   

PS: Speaking of Alex’s Lemonade Stand, my fundraising page is still open.  Please go to www.FirstGiving.com/TheCommonSenseGuy to read Alex’s inspiring story and to donate if you can.

Today is Thursday, so this post is on dynamic communication.

Dynamic communicators are good story tellers.  Everyone likes a story.  Stories are hard wired into our brains.  They come from the oral traditions of most cultures.  They were the way people learned prior to the written word.  Stories are powerful because they help us grasp important concepts.

In 1982 two very different books were published that changed the face of business books forever.  Both were built on stories.  “The One Minute Manager” by Ken Blanchard and Spenser Johnson was a little book that was story about a mythical manager – a fable, in essence.  Drs. Blanchard and Johnson told his story to illustrate the three points they think make for good leadership – One Minute Goal Setting; One Minute Praisings and One Minute Reprimands.  “The One Minute Manager” was a big hit, and a whole genre of literature – Business Fiction -- was born.  Patrick Lencioni has become a master of this genre.

The other book was a great big book called “In Search of Excellence” by Tom Peters and Bob Waterman.  “In Search of Excellence” was a study of 43 high performing companies.  From this study the authors found eight common themes which they argued were responsible for the success of the chosen corporations.

The book devotes one chapter to each theme.

1. A bias for action, active decision making.
2. Close to the customer - learning from the people served by the business.
3. Autonomy and entrepreneurship - fostering innovation and nurturing champions.
4. Productivity through people- treating rank and file employees as a source of quality.
5. Hands-on, value-driven management philosophy that guides everyday practice.
6. Stick to the knitting - stay with the business that you know.
7. Simple form, lean staff - some of the best companies have minimal HQ staff.
8. Simultaneous loose-tight properties.

The power of the book came in the stories that leaders in these companies told.  The stories not only illustrated the eight themes, they made them come alive for readers.  This book also changed the way business books are written.  It is difficult to pick up a business book these days that does not have stories to illustrate the points the author is making.

I used stories to illustrate the points in my new book, “Straight Talk for Success.”  Not surprisingly, my readers have told me that the stories make the book.  They say that the stories take my ideas out of the conceptual, and into the practical.

All of this is a long lead up to the point with which I began this post; dynamic communicators are good story tellers.  In “It Sure Beats Working”, Michael Katz explains why stories are a great communication device.  “1. Stories add warm flesh to the dry bones that are features.  2. Stories are hard to steal.”

I agree.  Stories make your points come alive.  They make you and the information you are providing more human.  In “Welcome the Rain” Michelle Sedas tells her story of overcoming depression.  It puts a human face on the points she is making in the book. 

Second, stories are hard to steal.  They belong to you, because you’ve lived them.  Other people can’t steal them because they don’t have the depth of experience you do.  They may retell your stories, but they will be providing second hand information.

Anyone can be a good storyteller.  I have developed a four step process for telling good stories.

1. Identify one, two or three things you “know to be true” about the topic of your story.  If you can’t do this, you probably don’t know enough about the topic to be speaking about it in the first place.
2. Think of the life experiences that have led you to this knowledge.
3. Use these life experiences to create stories that make your point.
4. Create a generalizable point that people can take away from your story and apply in their lives.

The fourth point is critical.  Your story needs to provide advice on how to handle a variety of similar situations – not just the situation that provides the basis of the story.  Tracy Kidder, a Pulitzer Prize winning author, and a great story teller, says it very well.  “All stories are local.  All good stories are universal.”  By creating a generalizable point, you are taking the knowledge you gained in a specific local incident and showing how it applies to other situations.

Next week, I will do a post that illustrates how simple it is to use stories to become a dynamic communicator.

The common sense point here is simple.  All dynamic communicators are good story tellers.  Good stories put a human face on your points and they are uniquely yours.  There are four keys to creating good stories: 1) Identify one, two or three things you “know to be true” about the topic of your story.  2) Think of the life experiences that have led you to this knowledge.  3) Use these life experiences to create stories that make your point.  4) Create a generalizable point that people can take away from your story and apply in their lives.

That’s it for today.  Thanks for reading.  Log on to my website www.BudBilanich.com for more common sense and to subscribe to my weekly newsletter “Common Sense.” 

I’ll see you around the web and at Alex’s Lemonade Stand.

Bud   

PS: Speaking of Alex’s Lemonade Stand, my fundraising page is still open.  Please go to www.FirstGiving.com/TheCommonSenseGuy to read Alex’s inspiring story and to donate if you can.

Today is Wednesday, so this post is on outstanding performance.

I have a quote hanging just inside the door to my office.  I pass it several times a day.  I always read it as I pass.  It says…

“Whatever you vividly imagine, ardently desire, sincerely believe and enthusiastically act on… must inevitably come to pass!”  Paul J. Meyer

This is advice that way predates “The Secret.”  I think of it as the law of attraction on steroids.  “Vividly imagine, ardently desire and sincerely believe” are in alignment with the law of attraction as preached in “The Secret.” 

"Enthusiastically act on” is the steroids part.  I believe that while it’s great to envision your desired future and believe it will happen, it is way more important to do the work necessary to create your desired future. 

That’s why I’ve been a fan of Paul Meyer for many years.  Here’s another quote from Mr. Meyer.

“Winners do not expect to get something for nothing.  Winners are willing to give the time, effort, creativity and money necessary to achieve their purposes.  They know that any success worth having carries a high price tag and they gladly accept the opportunity to invest in their own success.  Winners exercise initiative; they do what is needed because they are personally responsible.  Winners never make excuses; they acknowledge their mistakes or failures and learn from them.  Winners carry out their responsibility to be and do their best.”

I read this quote in the June/July 2008 issue of SUCCESS Magazine.  I’ve mentioned the newly relaunched SUCCESS in previous posts.  If you’re interested in becoming a career and life success I urge you to subscribe.  This is a great magazine.  I have read this issue cover to cover three times in the past two weeks.

As you know, setting and achieving high goals is one the keys to becoming an outstanding performer.  I began this post with quotes from Paul Meyer because of his strong belief in the power of goal setting.  The SUCCESS article lists his “Million Dollar Personal Success Plan.”

Take a look…

The Million Dollar Success Plan by Paul J Meyer

1. Crystallize your thinking – Determine what specific goal you want to achieve.  Then dedicate yourself to its attainment with unswerving singleness of purpose, the trenchant zeal of a crusader.
2. Develop a plan for achieving your goal, and a deadline for its attainment – Plan your progress carefully; hour by hour, day by day, month by month.  Organized activity and enthusiasm are the wellsprings of your power.
3. Develop a sincere desire for the things you want in life – A burning desire is the greatest motivator of every human action.  The desire for success implants “success consciousness,” which in turn creates a vigorous and ever-increasing “habit of success.”
4. Develop supreme confidence in yourself and your own abilities – Enter every activity without giving mental recognition to the possibility of defeat.  Concentrate on your strengths instead of your weaknesses… on your powers, instead of your problems.
5. Develop a dogged determination to follow through on your plan, regardless of obstacles, criticism, or circumstances or what other people say, think or do – Opportunities never come to those who wait; they are captured by those who dare to attack.

In short, Mr. Meyer’s plan comes down to this.  Set high goals.  Develop a plan for achieving those goals.  Really want your goals.  Believe in yourself and your goals.  Work hard to achieve your goals.  This is the essence of high performance.

The common sense point here is simple.  Follow Paul Meyer’s advice for becoming an outstanding performer.  Vividly imagine a goal that you really want to achieve.  Believe that you can achieve it. Plan how you will achieve it. Do the work necessary to achieve it.   To paraphrase Alex Mandossian, don’t just do your best, do whatever it takes.

That’s it for today.  Thanks for reading.  Log on to my website www.BudBilanich.com for more common sense and to subscribe to my weekly newsletter “Common Sense.” 

I’ll see you around the web and at Alex’s Lemonade Stand.

Bud   

PS: Speaking of Alex’s Lemonade Stand, my fundraising page is still open.  Please go to www.FirstGiving.com/TheCommonSenseGuy to read Alex’s inspiring story and to donate if you can.

Today is Tuesday, so this post is on creating positive personal impact.

A strong personal brand is a great way to create positive personal impact.  Last week, I was chatting with a long time friend, Roger Rountree, about his business, Recognition Point (www.recognitionpoint.com).  As we were speaking, Roger took out a piece of paper and drew a simple graphic that he uses to illustrate what he calls the recognition point. 

According to Roger, the recognition point is at the intersection of value and visibility.  The higher the value and the higher the visibility, the higher the recognition point.  Think iPod for example.  For most people, an iPod has high value.  It is an easy to use piece of hardware that provides the user with the opportunity to create a personal entertainment library for a relatively low cost.  Also, iPod has high visibility.  Any time I’m on a flight, it seems that half the people sitting near me are listening to their iPods.  If you pick up a computer magazine, you’ll find a whole lot of ads for iPod accessories. 

So with high value and high visibility, a product like the iPod has a high recognition point.  Everybody knows what an iPod is, even people who have never used one.  This high recognition point enhances iPod sales.

Roger works with companies to help them create a high recognition point.  However, as he and I were speaking, I started thinking about how the recognition point concept applies to personal branding.

Let’s use me and my new book, “Straight Talk for Success” as an example.  I am using “Straight Talk” to help me build my Common Sense Guy brand.  I gave the first draft of the book to many people for comment.  After I made the revisions they suggested, I was pretty sure that I had a high value offering.  People who read the book told me that my five keys to success -- Self Confidence, Positive Personal Impact, Outstanding Performance, Dynamic Communication Skills and Interpersonal Competence – made sense and were presented in a simple, straightforward, easy to read manner. 

But, high value is only one part of the recognition point equation.  To create a high recognition point for “Straight Talk”, I needed to create high visibility.  I am doing so using a number of channels.  This blog reinforces the five keys to success.  I post on one of them every day.  Second, I use my weekly newsletter to reinforce the blog and to add other content related to career and life success.  Third, I conducted a massive book launch campaign to create awareness of “Straight Talk”.  It became an Amazon.com best seller in the motivation category last month.  Fourth, I have been contacted by publishers in Saudi Arabia, Korea and India who are interested in acquiring the rights to publish and distribute “Straight Talk” in their countries. 

“Straight Talk for Success” and I are moving up the visibility scale.  We haven’t achieved the recognition of a book like “The Last Lecture,” but our recognition point is improving everyday.

Now, lets’ talk about how this applies to a personal brand.  In yesterday’s post, I mentioned advice that Diane Prucino, the managing partner of a large law firm in Atlanta, gives to young associates.  “Find some area of practice that no one else does and that you see a need for.”  Ms. Prucino is suggesting that it is important for young attorneys to brand themselves by becoming an expert in area of the law where there is that is currently unmet.   Becoming an expert in such an area would help a young attorney to bring value to his or her firm.  By writing articles, blogging and handling cases in this area, he or she would be creating visibility for himself or herself.  In other words, his or her recognition point – and personal brand – would be high.

This advice applies to everyone.  The first step is to determine your personal brand, the three or four words you want people to associate with you.  These words, and your brand, should be of high value to your company and in the industry in which you work.  The next step is to do whatever it takes to make sure that your name is associated with these words in a visible manner. 

When I was a young guy, I focused on developing a personal brand of hard working and reliable.  To do this, I volunteered for projects and extra work.  I made sure that the work I did was of the highest quality.  I did this to position myself as someone of high value to my company. 

I also joined and actively participated in ASTD, the professional society most closely aligned with my work.  I wrote articles for their newsletter, participated in panel discussions at meetings and chaired a few committees.  I sent the articles I wrote to my boss and his boss.  I invited my boss and his boss to the panel discussions where I was a participant.  I asked them to speak to the committees I chaired.  I did these things to heighten my visibility – in my profession and with important senior leaders in my company.

In short, I created a strong personal brand by becoming an employee of high value, and one with high visibility to senior leaders in my company. 

The common sense point here is simple.  A strong personal brand is important for creating positive personal impact.  Value and visibility are two components of a personal brand.  High value without visibility means that you will toil in obscurity.  High visibility without value means that people will see you as an empty suit – someone who talks a good game, but doesn’t deliver.  People with a strong personal brand have a high recognition point.  They bring good value and they leverage this value by becoming highly visible.

That’s it for today.  Thanks for reading.  Log on to my website www.BudBilanich.com for more common sense and to subscribe to my weekly newsletter “Common Sense.” 

I’ll see you around the web and at Alex’s Lemonade Stand.

Bud   

PS: Speaking of Alex’s Lemonade Stand, my fundraising page is still open.  Please go to www.FirstGiving.com/TheCommonSenseGuy to read Alex’s inspiring story and to donate if you can.

Today is Monday, so this post is on self confidence.

Last Wednesday the Wall Street Journal ran a small article called “Apprenticeship 101.”  Diane Prucino, the co-managing partner at the Kilpatrick Stockton law firm in Atlanta offered suggestions on what young lawyers should do to succeed as an associate in a large law firm.

One of the suggestions that Ms. Prucino offered was, “Find and use a good mentor.”  This is good advice, not just for young law firm associates, but for anyone interested in becoming a career and life success.  There are three things critical to developing your self confidence: 1) be optimistic; 2) face your fears and take action; and 3) surround yourself with positive people.  Mentors, by definition, are positive people.  They are positive people because they are willing to give of themselves to help others grow and succeed.

Mentors can help you accelerate your learning.  If you pay attention to what they have to say, you will find that you can take advantage of the lessons they’ve learned the hard way – through experience – without having to have the actual experiences yourself.  Experience is a great, but painful, teacher.  Working with a mentor provides you with the opportunity to take advantage of his or her experiences, and the pain that came along with those experiences, without having to experiencing the pain for yourself.

Working with a mentor is a good deal – learning with little or no pain.  Self confident successful people work hard to find and learn from mentors.  Several months ago, Shane of the Shane and Peter blog wrote a great post entitled “How To Work With A Mentor.”  I particularly liked a question he suggests for working with a mentor: “What do you know about my business that I don’t which would make the greatest difference?”

I like this question because it takes a self confident person to ask it.  When you ask someone “What do you know that I don’t,” you are admitting that you don’t know everything, and that you need help.  You have to be self confident to do that.  People who lack self confidence often are unwilling to ask for help because doing so puts them in a vulnerable position. 

People lacking in self confidence don’t like to feel vulnerable.  Self confident people, on the other hand, realize that it’s OK – better than OK really to put themselves in a vulnerable position by asking for help.  They realize that admitting what you don’t know and asking for help are the best ways to learn what they need in order to success.

The common sense point here is simple.  Self confident people find mentors to help them learn and grow.  They are willing to put themselves in a vulnerable position and admit what they don’t know in order to take full advantage of what their mentors can offer them.

By the way, Ms. Prucino offered some other solid common sense advice for law firm associates. 

“Repeat verbal assignments to make sure you understood them.  Follow up with a confirming e mail.”  This is great advice for enhancing communication – one of the five keys to success that I present in “Straight Talk for Success.”

“Develop a niche in your practice.  Find some area of the practice that no one else does and that you see a need for, either now or down the road.”  This sounds a lot like creating a personal brand.  A strong personal brand is one of the keys to creating positive personal impact.  Positive personal impact is another of the five keys to success in “Straight Talk for Success.” 

It’s nice to know that my advice on career and life applies even to lawyers.

That’s it for today.  Thanks for reading.  Log on to my website www.BudBilanich.com for more common sense and to subscribe to my weekly newsletter “Common Sense.” 

I’ll see you around the web and at Alex’s Lemonade Stand.

Bud   

PS: Speaking of Alex’s Lemonade Stand, my fundraising page is still open.  Please go to www.FirstGiving.com/TheCommonSenseGuy to read Alex’s inspiring story and to donate if you can.

Today is Friday, so this post is on interpersonal competence.

This is the final post in a series inspired by my niece, Brett’s, graduation from college. 

Interpersonal competence is the fifth key of career and life success.  Brett, no matter how self confident you are, how good you are at creating positive personal impact, how great a performer or dynamic a communicator you are, you will not succeed if you are not interpersonally competent.

Interpersonally competent people have three things in common.  1) They understand themselves.  They use this self understanding to better understand others.  2) They build and maintain, long term, mutually beneficial relationships with the important people in their lives.  3) They resolve conflict in a positive manner.

You have to understand yourself if you want to understand others.  Take a few minutes and answer these questions. 

• Do I like to spend time with people, or do I prefer to be by myself? 
• Do I like to take in information in a structured step by step manner, or do I prefer getting a lot of information all at once and figuring out the connections for myself?
• Do I make decisions with my heart or with my head?
• Do I like to resolve things quickly, or do I like to wait to the last minute to commit to a course of action?

You probably lean to one or the other of the choices in the four questions above.  Once you know this information, think about the people around you.  How are they similar to you?  How are they different?

For example, if you make decisions with your heart, you will have a difficult time convincing someone who makes decisions with his or head to do something because “it is the right thing to do”.  Instead, you’ll need to figure out the rational, logical reasons for what you want to do if you are going to convince a “head” person to go along with your ideas.

While it’s important to know yourself, it’s more important to know how you are similar and different from others, and to use this knowledge to help you become more influential with them.

Interpersonally competent people are also good at building strong, lasting relationships.  My best advice for relationship building is to give with no expectation of anything in return.  I know that it seems that the world works on quid pro quo.  That’s why when you do something nice and unexpected for others, you’ll be on your way to building a strong relationship with them.

Here’s an example.  In most recent ezine, I featured a book by Valerie Sokolosky called “Do It Right.”  I featured it because I thought it was a good book that would be beneficial to my readers.  I also hoped that I would give Valerie some exposure to an audience she might not normally reach.

The day after the newsletter went out I got this e mail from Valerie.

“Bud, you are so kind. I so appreciate this. And how can I help YOU????? This is what networking is all about. And coming from a place of abundance. You have my values, friend. Let me know how you are doing.”

Valerie and I are friends now – all because I took a little of my time to feature her book.  It seems that my readers benefited, she benefited, and I benefited all because I took a little step and did something with no expectation of anything in return.  It’s karmic really, it seems that very often you get things back when you least expect to.

Interpersonally competent people build relationships by doing for others.  They don’t keep score.  They know that in the long run, good things will come back to them if they do good things for others.

Finally, interpersonally competent people resolve conflict in a positive manner.  No matter how interpersonally competent you are, or how easy going you are, you will inevitably find yourself in conflict.  People will not always agree with you, and you will not always agree with others.

My favorite method for dealing with conflict is counter intuitive.  By definition, conflict is a state of disagreement.  When I’m in conflict with someone however, instead of focusing on where we disagree, I focus on where we agree.

I look for any small point of agreement and then try to build on it.  I find that it is easier to reach a larger agreement building from a point of small agreement, rather than attempting to tear down the points with which I don’t agree. 

Most people don’t do this.  They get caught up in proving their point.  They hold on to it more strongly when someone else attacks it.  If you turn around the discussion and say, “Let’s focus where we agree, and see if we can build something from there,” you are making the situation less personal.  Now the two of you are working together to figure out a mutually agreeable solution to your disagreement.  You’re not tearing down one another’s arguments just to get your way.  Try this, Brett.  It works.

As you probably expect there are some common sense points here too.  Understand yourself.  Think about what makes you tick.  When you are working with someone else, think about what makes him or her tick.  If he or she is different from you, decide what you need to do to be better able to communicate with him or her.  Second, do things for other people – and don’t keep score.  Good things will come your way, often from unexpected sources.  Build relationships by be willing to do for others whether or not they are willing to do for you.  Finally, when you are in conflict, look for where you agree with the other person.  Use these small places of agreements to build a mutually acceptable resolution to your conflict.

I hope this week’s worth of posts have been helpful, Brett.  In a way, they are a Cliff Notes version of my new book “Straight Talk for Success.”  You have a copy.  I gave you one on the day you graduated.  Good luck to you as you begin your career.  You have my very best wishes for a successful life and career.

That’s it for today.  Thanks for reading.  Log on to my website www.BudBilanich.com for more common sense and to subscribe to my weekly newsletter “Common Sense.” 

I’ll see you around the web and at Alex’s Lemonade Stand.

Bud   

PS: Speaking of Alex’s Lemonade Stand, my fundraising page is still open.  Please go to www.FirstGiving.com/TheCommonSenseGuy to read Alex’s inspiring story and to donate if you can.

Today is Thursday, so this post is on dynamic communication.

Today’s post is the fourth in a series on advice to my niece Brett, who graduated from Florida State last weekend.

Brett, all successful people are dynamic communicators.  All dynamic communicators have three things in common.  1) They are excellent conversationalists.  2) They write clearly and succinctly.  3) The present well – to groups two or two hundred.

Effective conversations are an up close and personal undertaking.  All of the dynamic communicators I know are great conversationalists.  Like most things I have one great piece of advice on how to become a great conversationalist.  Listen more than you speak.  When I am in a conversation, I try to spend about one third of my time speaking and two thirds listening.  I have found that this ratio works well for me.

Most people like to talk about themselves.  The best way to get people speaking about themselves is to ask a lot of questions.  When you meet people for the first time, ask what I call “get to know you” questions.  “What do you do?”  “Where do you live?”  “Are you married?”  “Do you have children?” 

Listen to the answers and file away this information for future use.  Yesterday I called on an old client.  Prior to going to see him, I spent time thinking about what I knew about him from our past interactions.  Here’s what I remembered.  We know several people in common.  His son is a music major at Ithaca College.  His company was recently acquired. 

I was able to keep the conversation going for over an hour by asking four questions.  1) How is your son doing at Ithaca?  2) Have you spoken to Jo lately?  3) I saw Tom the other day, have you spoken to him recently?  4) How are things going with your new company?

By asking these questions, listening, and adding follow up comments and/or questions, I was able to keep things moving for an hour.  At the end of that time, I was in a good position to ask the two questions that were my main reason for the conversation.  “How are things going with your team?  How can I help you?”  This was a sales call, after all.

The key here is to ask questions, listen to what people have to say, respond appropriately.  Then file away what you’ve learned.  I recommend writing it down so you won’t forget.  Review what you know about a person prior to visiting with him or her.  This will help you prepare for the conversation by choosing the questions you want to ask.

Good writing will set you apart.  Most people are poor writers.  They are unclear.  They ramble on.  Their e mails, letters and reports are a series of long sentences filled with big words that don’t really say anything.  You can catch people’s attention by writing in a clear, crisp, concise manner.

I try to write like a journalist.  I use short sentences with a simple subject – verb – object structure.  My writing may read a little staccato like, but it communicates.  People can understand my points and the reasoning behind them.

Your objective in writing at work is to communicate – not to impress others with your vocabulary.  When we were speaking about my book “Straight Talk for Success” the other day Brett, I said that I tried for an “avuncular hip” writing style.  You said, “What does that mean?”  I replied, “Avuncular means uncle-like.  I wanted to sound like a hip uncle to people reading the book.”  You came back with a great question, “Why didn’t you just say so?”

You were right.  Everybody knows what “uncle-like” means.  A lot of people, including cum laude graduates, don’t know the word “avuncular.”  I was just showing off my vocabulary by using that word.  As a result, I didn’t communicate effectively.

Write in short, simple sentences.  Use the most simple words you can to get across your point.  Write fast.  Get your thoughts on paper or the computer screen as quickly as you can.  Then edit and rewrite until you’ve said exactly what you want to say.  One of my first bosses always told me that rewriting is the secret to good writing. 

Write with the reader in mind.  Sometimes it’s a good idea to read aloud what you’ve written to get a feel for how it will sound in your reader’s mind. 
Finally, many a career has been built on one good presentation.  Presentations give you an opportunity to shine.  Unfortunately many people are afraid of standing before an audience and presenting.  Their fear stops them from taking advantage of the opportunities presentations afford.

Don’t let this happen to you, Brett.  Presenting is like any other process.  It can be broken down into a series of manageable steps.  Master the following five steps and you’ll become a great presenter. 

1. Determine your message.  Begin by determining what you have say.  Get crystal clear on the message you have for the audience.
2. Analyze your audience.  Why are they there?  How much do they know about your topic?  Are they familiar with any jargon you might use?  What is there general attitude towards you and the information you will be communicating?
3. Organize your information for impact.  I always start at the end.  I write my closing first.  I use this closing to help me choose the information I am going to include in my talk.  I ask myself, “Does this information add to my main point?”  If the answer yes, I leave it in.  If the answer is no, I take it out.  Then I write my opening.  I design my opening statements to do two things – get people’s attention, and then tell that what I will be telling them in my talk.  Once the closing and opening are written, I simply fill in the content.
4. Create supporting visuals.  Once I’ve decided what I want to say, and how I want to say it, I develop my visuals.  Your visuals should support your presentation – not drive it.  There is nothing more boring that watching and listening to someone read his or her slides.
5. Practice out loud.  This is the most important point of all.  As an early mentor told me, “Bud, preparation makes up for a lack of talent.”  It also enhances your natural talent.  Never skip this step.  If you do, you will be likely to do a poor talk.  And while a poor presentation generally is not a career killer, it is a missed opportunity.

Brett, there are a few common sense points about becoming a dynamic communicator here.  Become a good conversationalist by listening.  Take an active interest in other people and what they’re saying.  Show them you’re listening by asking appropriate follow up questions to what they say.  Write in a manner that communicates well.  In general, this means, being clear, concise and easily readable.  The best way to make sure your writing is readable is to read it aloud before sending it.  Finally, preparation is the most important key to doing a good presentation.  If you follow the five steps I’ve laid out above, you’ll be able to develop and present great talks.

That’s it for today.  Thanks for reading.  Log on to my website www.BudBilanich.com for more common sense and to subscribe to my weekly newsletter “Common Sense.” 

I’ll see you around the web and at Alex’s Lemonade Stand.

Bud   

PS: Speaking of Alex’s Lemonade Stand, my fundraising page is still open.  Please go to www.FirstGiving.com/TheCommonSenseGuy to read Alex’s inspiring story and to donate if you can.

Today is Wednesday so this post is on outstanding performance.

Today’s post is a continuation of my series on advice to my niece Brett on her graduation from college. 

Outstanding performance is crucial to career and life success.  There are three keys to outstanding performance.  Become a lifelong learner.  Set and achieve high goals.  Become well organized.

Now that you’ve graduated, Brett, you might be tempted to think that you needn’t keep learning.  After all, isn’t learning what you need to know to function in the world of work the whole point of going to college?  Not really.  You just learned the basics in college. 

Your education really begins when you start working.  The half life of knowledge is getting shorter and shorter.  If you don’t keep learning, you won’t even keep up, you’ll fall behind in the knowledge that you need to become an outstanding performer.

My best common sense suggestion for becoming a lifelong learner is simple.  Read.  Read technical journals.  Read trade magazines.  Read business publications like “The Wall Street Journal”, “Business Week”, “Fortune” and “Forbes.”  If you think they’re too stodgy, read “Fast Company.”  Read your company’s annual report.  Read your competitors’ annual reports.  Read blogs about your industry.  Reading is the best way to stay up with what’s happening in business and in your industry.

There are other things you can do to keep learning.  Attend seminars.  Join the major industry groups associated with your industry.  Attend their meetings and participate.  Volunteer for committee work.  Become known locally as someone “in the know.”  Take a class at your local university.  Use your company’s tuition reimbursement program to get a free Masters degree. 

There are many ways to keep learning.  Decide which ones work for you, and then follow through.  Outstanding performers are technically competent in their field.  They stay technically competent because they are lifelong learners.

Next, set high goals.  Set goals that are S.M.A.R.T. (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Results Oriented and Time Bound).  Develop milestones for accomplishing your goals.  Milestones are steps along the way.  They keep you on track and they motivate you by giving you reason to celebrate when you accomplish them.

All outstanding performers set goals.  Then they meet or exceed them.  They do this day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year.  I am 58 years old, and have been in business for 20 years.  Yet I still set goals and develop milestones for myself.  It’s a habit I developed when I was first out of college.  It’s served me well over the years.

Finally Brett, get organized.  Manage your life, your time and your stress well.  Make sure that your life and work life are in a balance that works for you.  Early on, you’ll probably find that your work life balance is a little imbalanced towards work.  That’s OK.  As you begin your career, you’ll probably find that you’ll need to spend more time at work – just so you get off on the right foot. 

Don’t get overwhelmed.  This will lead to an unhealthy amount of stress in your life.  Eat well and exercise.  Don’t party too much.  If you find yourself getting too stressed, take 20 or 30 minutes and go for a walk to clear your head.  One of my first mentors told me to H.A.L.T.  By that, he meant, to not let yourself get too Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired.  This is good advice for managing stress.

Put some order in your life.  Develop a schedule and stick to it.  Create an organizing system that works for you.  Use your electronic gadgets to help you stay organized. 

Finally, don’t procrastinate.  Sometimes I find it difficult to begin big projects.  They can seem overwhelming.  That’s why I always start big projects at the end of the day.  That way, when I return to work in the morning, I feel as if I have some momentum going and the project doesn’t seem as daunting.

Brett, there are several common sense points here too.  Outstanding performance is critical to career and life success.  You can’t succeed if you’re not an outstanding performer.  You need to do three things to become an outstanding performer.  First, become a lifelong learner.  Keep learning and growing.  You will be surprised at how much even a cum laude graduate doesn’t know about business and life.  Second, set high goals – and then meet or exceed them.  Use milestones to breaking your goals into manageable chunks.  They’ll be easier to achieve this way.  Third, get organized.  This will help you manage your life, time and stress.  Figure out an organizing system that works for you and stick with it.

That’s it for today.  Thanks for reading.  Log on to my website www.BudBilanich.com for more common sense and to subscribe to my weekly newsletter “Common Sense.” 

I’ll see you around the web and at Alex’s Lemonade Stand.

Bud   

PS: Speaking of Alex’s Lemonade Stand, my fundraising page is still open.  Please go to www.FirstGiving.com/TheCommonSenseGuy to read Alex’s inspiring story and to donate if you can.

Today is Tuesday, so this post is on creating positive personal impact.

Yesterday, I mentioned that my niece, Brett, just graduated from Florida State last week.  I’ve decided to do a series of posts this week providing her – and other readers – with my best advice on career and life success.

All successful people create positive personal impact.  Positive personal impact is like charisma, only more.  Others gravitate towards people with positive personal impact.  When you create positive personal impact Brett, other people want to be around you.  It’s like sorority rush.  I’m sure you remember the young women who came through your house to whom you and your sisters just knew you were going to offer a bid a few minutes after meeting them.  These young women knew how to create positive personal impact.

There are three keys to creating positive personal impact in your career: 1) develop and nurture your personal brand; 2) be impeccable in your presentation of self; 3) know and follow the basic rules of etiquette.  If you master these three keys, you’ll be able to create positive personal impact.

A personal brand is your calling card.  It differentiates you from everyone else in the world.  I call myself The Common Sense Guy.  People who know me know that they can rely on me to provide them with common sense advice that will help them reach their career and life goals.  They also know that they will get this advice in a straightforward, easy to understand and apply manner, because after all, I’m just a guy.

Spend time crafting your brand.  Think of it this way; your brand is the two or three words you want people to most often associate with you.  Decide what you want these words to be, and then go about making sure that all of the people with whom you come into contact think of you that way.  This is important, because if you don’t brand yourself, others will.  It’s better to be in control of your personal brand by creating it yourself, than it is to let others create it for you.

When I think of you, the words that come to my mind are hard working, responsible, fun loving and entertaining.  You may think these words describe you very well – or you may think I’m way off base.  It doesn’t matter what I think – all that matters is the brand you want to create for yourself.

As you begin your job, how do you want people to think of you?  What words will you choose for people to describe you?  Think about this.  Take your time.  Then do whatever it takes to make sure that other people think of you that way.

If you decide, for example, that “hard working” is a term with which you would like others to associate with you, then work hard.  Do your assignments well and on time.  When you finish with one task, ask for another.  Come early, stay late.  Ask questions to help you understand the business.  Pretty soon, people will begin saying, “That Brett, she’s a hard worker.  She does what I ask, and then asks for more.”

You’re smart enough to figure out what to do to create the brand you want.  The important thing is to choose your brand and then brand yourself.

Your appearance says a lot about you.  My best advice on to how you create positive personal impact by you attire is simple.  Dress one level up.  In other words, dress a little nicer than you have to.  If your office is casual, wear a dress or a suit every once in a while. 

Make sure your clothes are clean and in good repair.  Keep your hair clean and well styled.  Wear jewelry that enhances your image.  Keep it understated and elegant. 

Basically, look in the mirror on your way out the door.  Ask yourself, “Will I impress other people with the way I look today?”  If the answer is “no”, take a few minutes and change before you go to work.

I always get dressed up when I am meeting clients.  Many of my clients dress casually.  When they tell me, “You didn’t need to wear a suit today,” I say, “Yes I did.  I’m meeting with an important person -- you.”  You show respect for both yourself and the people around you when you dress well.

Finally, all that stuff your Mom told you about being polite is true.  You write great thank you notes, Brett.  Your handwriting is legible and you do the two things that make for a great thank you note.  You are specific in what the gift was, and you always mention how you plan on using the gift.  Keep it up.

As with most things, there is one rule of etiquette that I always attempt to follow.  I always do whatever I can to help the people around me feel comfortable.  Polite people make sure that others feel comfortable. 

For example, when you are dining with others, you may know that your water glass is on the right and that your bread and butter plate is on the left.  Other people may not know this.  So if someone uses your bread plate, don’t say “Hey, that’s mine – yours is over there.”  Just place your roll on your dinner plate.  Being right is no excuse for embarrassing someone else.

There are several common sense points here, Brett.   Your ability to create positive personal impact is important to your career and life success.  The first step in creating positive personal impact to define your personal brand, then reinforce it constantly.  Second, make sure you dress to impress.  Go a little further than what’s required at your workplace.  Finally, be polite.  Help others feel comfortable, no matter what the situation.

That’s it for today.  Thanks for reading.  Log on to my website www.BudBilanich.com for more common sense and to subscribe to my weekly newsletter “Common Sense.” 

I’ll see you around the web and at Alex’s Lemonade Stand.

Bud   

PS: Speaking of Alex’s Lemonade Stand, my fundraising page is still open.  Please go to www.FirstGiving.com/TheCommonSenseGuy to read Alex’s inspiring story and to donate if you can.